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While I was on my way to work today, I saw a lot of people on the road, looking very sad
I could tell that it’s the price of transportation that has saddened them
I honestly think that for now people should only go out if what they are going for is productive
After the subsidy removal in Nigeria life has not been the same for Nigerians and alit of them are still struggling to adjust to the new price and Government.
Valentine’s Day, also called Saint Valentine’s Day or the Feast of Saint Valentine, is annually celebrated on the 14th of February.
Valentine is known by all, even the little children will tell you that valentine is “lover’s day”.
Val day, as popularly called by many has been tagged as “lover’s day”, yet has been misinterpreted or misunderstood by many.
Some young folks especially the girls have been deceived on this day. They are misled and taken advantage of in the name of valentine. More so, it’s important to have a better understanding of this day, that it is not a day to give yourself to a man who is not married to you.
Valentine is more of a married couple thing than of single person.
It’s shocking to know that because of valentine some person’s have broken their relationships while others, even go as far as committing suicide or murder.
The love that you receive on this single day, can’t be more important than the love you have received in 364 or 365 days of the year.
It’s okay to celebrate. But, it’s not okay to take it too seriously, or too extreme nor to exaggerate.
It’s unreasonable to destroy a relationship that you have taken months or years to build because of one day. Just because you feel that, the reason why he or she didn’t spend the valentine day with you, is because he/she is spending time with another, or because your partner does not love you enough.
Sometimes you must be rational in your thinking and in your judgment, as there could be other reasons why your partner could not spend the day with you, they could be busy with work, they could be dealing with health issues or even financial problems, you should always put your partner into consideration before drawing conclusion.
It’s important to remember that the gifts and love shown to you on Valentine’s day, couldn’t be more important than all the love, support or gifts that your partner has shown or given you over the years, months or even weeks as the case may be.
Do not destroy what you share, because of this day and nobody said that one must only celebrate valentine day with your partner only, if you must celebrate, you can celebrate with your friends and family.
It’s a day to show and share affection, so husbands, wives, sisters, brothers share gifts and show love to your partners,
friends and family on the special day set aside to celebrate love.
Enjoy your day regardless of where you are, whether you got a gift or not, you can make yourself happy and even gift yourself.
Do have a joyous and beautiful Valentine’s day and happy Valentine from me to you.
The issue of wife material is very common amongst men, and amongst elderly persons.
But the question is what exactly do people mean when they say a lady is a wife material? How do you identify a wife material? What are the qualities expected of a woman before she can be certified fit for marriage?
I have encountered many people referring to certain women as not suitable as wife material or otherwise. I guess it stems from how people perceive a woman should be dressed, how she talk or behaves in public, how she manages a home/ money, her ability cater for a male figure(s) In her life, how good a cook the lady is, etc.
Sometimes the criteria people use in judging who is a wife material or not, are completely based on hearsay. The environment we grow up in, religious beliefs, cultural heritage, and individual differences also influence people’s opinion of what to expect of a marriageable lady.
I have heard someone say, “… she’s not a wife material, that’s why I broke up with her.” When I inquired further, to understand what he meant by that statement, he told me that she was not a good cook and does not know how to do laundry. I have also heard some others saying stuffs like, “she clubs”, “she drinks alcohol”, “she does not dress responsibly”, “I Met her at a party”, “she smokes”, and a whole lot of stuffs.
But, truly not all of these mentioned behaviors or attitude defines a woman who is going to be a good wife. Rather than concentrating on these things, why not start putting into consideration or rather channel your thoughts towards, how much of a good heart, she has, and the true qualities of a good woman or wife material.
Here are some of the attributes of a good “wife material”:
Trust me this quality is of great importance, a woman who refuses to stand by or respect you when you are broke while dating will disrespect you even more when broke while married to her, if not abandon you with the kids.
HOME MAKER:
A homemaker is that woman that comes to her boy friend’s house and sees the need to help him clean up, organize the shelves and wardrobe, she doesn’t necessarily have to come and play wifely duties, or do your laundry, over time she comes around, but once in a while she should be able to do some chores, as it’s an attribute of a woman, when she does this it means that the man doesn’t have to be afraid if she is going to be able to take care of his home.
GOOD COOK:
No man will want to settle down nor consider to marry a lady who cannot cook and is not open to learning, according to my mother “the way to a mans heart is through good food and good fuck” if every time you mention hunger or food, she mentions restaurant then she’s not a good wife material, because a good wife material will consider the fact that it is more expensive to eat from a restaurant, she knows how important a good home made food is, although she’s not your wife, but, surely she can cook for her man once in a while, and if she does cook but her foods, doesn’t taste or come out nice, she should be open to learning and if she has other attributes you can teach her or enroll her in a catering school.
SHE SHOULD BE GOD FEARING:
The fear of God is everything, when you are married to a person who loves God, then you can be rest assured that you are safe, she will not hurt you nor kill you, for the love of God teaching, peace, patience, mercy, forgiveness, and generosity.
SHE SHOULD LOVE PEOPLE:
If she is full of hate for your friends or neighbors your family will suffer, and if care is not taken, she will destroy your relationship with your family and friends, and may influence you with hate. She has to be able to love people regardless of their color, tribe, status or educational background.
It is no doubt that Social media have affected relationships and general human life both positively and negatively.
Meanwhile, it has also affected relationships in negative ways.
Couples no longer have time for each other, when they go for dinner outdoors, instead of enjoying each other’s company, social media will somehow manage to take the attention of one partner, leaving the other feeling bad and lonely even in the presence of his/her loved one.
Because of Facebook post marriages has been broken, from the issues of he didn’t post my picture on my birthday, he does not like or comments on my post, he probably has another woman somewhere that he is hiding his family from, or he’s ashamed to show me off. It’s a shame that couples have allowed social media to destroy what they share for some clumsy excuses. Even though he celebrated it at home with her, gave her gift, she still feels so bad and this is one of the negative effects of social media to our modern marriages.
A husband and wife who had been at work the whole day, and probably have just the night to talk to each other, sometimes one of them may be having or dealing with some issues without the other knowing, because every time he/she wants to start a conversation the other is busy on the phone, computer or other gadgets, he or she will fall asleep or angrily go to sleep, because the other partner is too busy with social media and not listening, then when it’s dawn everyone leaves the house and doesn’t even realize what’s going on in the life of the other.
When you both agree to go out for dinner and forget all the etiquettes because of social media, you are not even looking at your date and when the other person couldn’t take it anymore, he or she will also take out their own phones and start chatting or looking for something to keep him/her busy as well.
Therefore, the need for couples to know when to put aside their gadgets and focus on building their relationship cannot be over emphasized as not paying attention to your relationship can cost you so much. One of its effects is that couples no longer have time to spend alone with each other. They even become forgetful because get too engrossed with their phones and therefore, always forget some important things that should have otherwise, spiced up their relationship.
At the beginning of your relationship you had time for each other, you give attention to the need of one another, you enjoyed each other’s company, you took time to study and understand that person and once, that man or woman becomes yours, instead of you to do more in order to maintain what you now have and share, you allow social media to come between you and destroy the good thing you have going on.
Why would a man who closes from work at 5pm, gets home by 6pm, shower, eat and go out with friends and watch football, come back home at 10pm, and still relax in the sitting room to what TV and then go to bed by 11 still have the effrontery to pick up his device to play or chat, and he is supposed to be a “married man”. What happened to companionship, how do you know what’s happening in the life of your wife, how do you know what your kids have been up to, the whole day, what time do you have to spend with your wife?
How can a married woman whose husband has been out for business since dawn , sit comfortably, chatting and looking for latest fashion on social media, but prepare meal on time so the husband and eat after a busy day, how can she serve him food and don’t sit by him to listen to all the things he experienced at work and wanted to share with his beautiful wife, and when he is ready to spend some time with her alone in the bedroom she will ask him to give her some time, so she should finish chatting with her old friends, and before you realize he has fallen deeply asleep as he’s encountered some challenges at work and he is very tired and she couldn’t even see all of that nor give him a chance to tell her what’s going on in his business life.
Couples don’t even look at each other when talking anymore this is why a partner can be losing weight, crying or suffering without the other realizing, since they fix their eyes on their phones and computers instead, of their partners.
Your husband or wife comes into the house you didn’t even realize that they just had a new haircut or hairdo, you welcome your spouse, and you aren’t even looking at who you are talking to.
All of these negative stuffs, has destroyed and weaken the bond between husbands and wives, be careful of how you use social media, there should be moderation in all you do.
Most men are often of the erroneous belief that it’s difficult to please a woman. This can be misleading as pleasing a woman is not rocket science. There are several things a man can do to please his woman.
Interestingly, a woman is actually very easy to please, howbeit, what pleases one certainly may not please another as what makes every woman happy differs from the other for whereas some like gifts, others just want to be loved; while some want to be respected, some others want to be free while some yet just want to be appreciated.
The list may be inexhaustible, but the content are certainly not far fetched hence it behooves the man to find out what excites his wife (spouse).
As much as you love to be respected, so does your woman. Remember A woman that is respected by her husband can hardly disrespect him, like the saying “Respect is reciprocal” if you love to be respected as a man, you should earn it by first respecting yourself, respecting your lady and naturally your woman will reciprocate. No woman will be happy if her husband insults her or speaks rudely to her in public, or use strong words while talking to her, A king knows how to a queen.
Every woman likes to feel loved, Especially, when it is coming from the man she loves. That feeling of being loved can definitely make/ keep a woman happy. She will do all that she can to also keep her man happy. Telling her that you love her several times daily is important, but, not enough, you also have to show her that you truly love her. Cultivate the habit of processing your love to her. Saying “I love you” is never too much, tell her you love her every time, Every day. It is a known fact that most men don’t remember to reaffirm their love by making the simple statement “I LOVE YOU”
To their wife after few years of marriage, some even start seeing their wives as their sister, often time they forget to say I love you. Saying I love you is not just enough, you must show it by treating her right, you don’t hurt what you love, just as you don’t want to see a crash on your favorite car, how much more the woman you love. Treat her with love, correct her in love, and she will sure be happy.
Women love to know and be assured that they have their husband’s support. No matter what she is involved in, She just wants her man’s support. Even when she is making a mistake she still wants his support, that’s how much she wants her man to support her, she wants him to support her career, her goal and dreams, support her dream, as a dream is what keeps us going as humans. Nothing else can make a woman happier than knowing that her man will support her, come what may.
YES! Plenty gifts, no matter how grumpy, hard, tough a woman is, trust me when she sees a gift, she softens up. The kind of gift they like may differ, but gift, you must give her to make her happy, it may not necessarily be an expensive gift, women love anything that comes from their men, this makes them extremely happy, they protect and want to show it off to all of their friends, saying ” Hmmm babes do you know who got me this bag” my husband did! When a friend appreciates how she smells, she responds by saying ” oh dear thanks, hubby got it for me.” When you give gifts to your wife or woman she feels happy knowing that you must have been thinking about her for you to have remembered to have bought her that gift.
You should also remember that women generally have love for money, you want her to be happy? Then give her money, if you have it just give her, every woman smiles at the sight of money, some may just like it more than the other, but, they all are in love with it. So always get her a gift and she will be happy.
Nothing makes a woman unhappy, like the feeling of not being appreciated. A simple THANK YOU, I APPRECIATE, WELL-DONE, YOU ARE WONDERFUL, YOU ARE THE BEST, YOU ARE THE BEST COOK. Sometimes a thank you can go further than you can imagine, when a woman does something for her man, no matter how little it is, saying thank you, will make her happy and want to do more, when she cooks for you, remember to say well-done, you are the best cook there is, when she buys you a gift say thank you, no matter how little the gift may be. Even when you don’t like it or need it, pretend to love it a lot, wear it just for her happiness, Always give her COMPLEMENTS, when she makes new hair or changes her style, say nice things to her, no matter the compliment she gets from another person, it won’t make her as happy as she would feel if it was coming from you, tell her how beautiful she is, and how happy you feel having her as your woman. All these will surely put a smile on her face. Some of these things that you don’t think are important are things that actually make a woman happy.
Keep your woman happy and you can be sure to be happy too
My mother told me a long time ago that men are like kids, they are jealous; like attention, good food and love gift.
Most people would tell you that it is easier to make a man happier than a woman, but on the contrary, this is not true, sometimes you don’t even know what to say, so as not to hurt them.
Let’s look at some of the things a woman can do to make her man happy
Men are equally emotional beings, they also like to have the feeling of being loved, They should be showered with love as much as a woman. They are happy to know that they are loved by their women, always express your love to them and also show it by the way you treat them, if you love a person you will never allow any harm come to them and you will always be protective of them, always remind him that you love him and show it to him in all senses, By caring and treating him right, say I LOVE YOU, as many times as possible, there’s no limit to the number of times that you reassure him that you are still in love with him, hearing this will keep him happy and even smiling in your absence. Show him that you love him by doing things that put smiles on his face.
What do you think? That the men don’t like or appreciate gifts? They are super happy when their women give them gifts. They equally love to feel special, A lot of women feel that only a man should give gifts to a woman, or that a man should be given a gift only during anniversaries, birthday etc, it is not only during his birthday that you should give him a gift. Gifting is an expression of love and can also stand as a symbol of appreciation, When you get used to the act of giving in your relationship it will encourage the man to do the same.
No matter the tribe a man comes from, I assure you that every man loves good food, good home made food can delight the heart of any man, yes! You cook every day for your husband, but, he has a favorite food and you also have this special meal that you know that anytime you prepare that meal, he can’t help but smile endlessly and sometimes even over feed himself, because he can’t even have enough of it, his heart will be delighted, He will be happy and you might even get a YES to that thing you have been begging him to assent to.
No matter the size, age or the financial status of your man, he wants and deserves to be respected, the fact that you are doing better financially, or that you are older than your man should not stop you from respecting him, always respect him to keep him happy, especially in the presence of his friends, men have got an ego and that alone can be a problem for them. You can’t respect him and speak rudely to him in public, sometimes you agree with him or ignore whatever he says to you, in the public and then deal with it later when you two are alone, this will make him happy and know that you care about his self esteem and in return it teaches him to treat you the same way, and he will always be happy knowing that his woman loves and respects him.
Every one loves and want to be appreciated, when he makes any effort to help you, whether financially, in the kitchen, buys you a gift, helps you adjust your zip, gives you a compliment, just show appreciation say THANK YOU, YOU ARE THE BEST, I’M HAPPY TO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE, etc. Sometimes, ladies feel it’s their right and the man’s duty to do all of those things and hence they don’t see the need to say thank you. Compliment him all the time. Compliment him when he gets a new hair cut, dresses up for a function, etc. They equally love compliments, call him sweet names, cutie, my favorite man, the handsome man, my super man, etc.
No matter the circumstance always stand by him and support your man as he will make him extremely happy knowing that he’s got your support. When he is financially down, you should support him, when work issues arise show support by encouraging and telling him what he needs to hear at that point, this will reduce the pressure on him and ensure your relationship is not affected by the pressure he is going through.
So make your man happy today and be happy too.
I guess by now every adult has heard or read some stuff about the health of a relationship and someone might just be wondering what the health status of his or her relationship is.
This post will help you have a clearer understanding of your relationship health status and It will also help you identify a healthy or otherwise relationship so at least you can be sure “If you are in a healthy relationship or not.”
Here is how to differentiate between a healthy or unhealthy relationship.
A Healthy relationship can be said to be a any form of relationship between two people that respect, love and put each other’s needs and happiness first, a healthy relationship is not biased nor selfish, below are some qualities of a good and healthy relationship:
APPRECIATION.
MUTUAL RESPECT.
LOYALTY.
FAIR FIGHT.
UNDERSTANDING.
COMMUNICATION.
TRUST.
TOLERANCE.
ACCEPTANCE.
MUTUAL DEPENDANCE.
FREEDOM.
HONESTY.
FORGIVENESS.
Unhealthy relationship can be said to be any form of relationship between two people, where unforgiveness, pain, Disrespect is present and the two or one person in the relationship does not put the need or the happiness of his/her partner first, below are some pointers to the fact that that relationship is unhealthy:
UNGRATEFULNESS.
LACK OF OR POOR COMMUNICATION.
DISRESPECT
DISLOYALTY
ABUSE.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
DISTRUST.
DISHONESTY.
INDEPENDENCE.
EXCESSIVE JEALOUSY.
MANIPULATION.
CRITICISM.
CHEATING.
ISOLATION.
UNFORGIVENESS.
A few more attitudes not mentioned above may exist, but the general rule is to check how positive or negative such attitude is and decide if you are sure to put up with it in an advanced form as most people don’t change negative behaviors as they grow older except there’s a miracle of some sort.
Admitting that one is wrong can be sometimes very difficult. Most people, both young and old find it extremely difficult to accept that they are wrong. They just can’t bring themselves to admit that they are wrong, let alone apologize over a perceived offense by another.
Unfortunately for such persons, one of the things that keep a relationship going is the ability of both individuals to take responsibility for their actions, admitting to be wrong when necessary which includes when they are indeed at fault and even sometimes when they are not, just in the interest of peace in the relationship, with a knowing that perspectives can make your views differ. Sometimes there’s absolutely no need to explain why you think you are right, especially when the other party is not willing to see it from your perspective. When you are wrong be humble enough to admit it and when you are right and no one wants to listen to you, don’t let it bother you.
“If you are afraid of being lonely, don’t always try to be right”.
-Jules Renard
You should know that accepting to be wrong and saying sorry doesn’t mean that you are weak as a matter of fact, it only means that you are mature enough to run a relationship and also that you are the bigger or stronger person as the case may be.
Not admitting that you’re wrong mostoften, stems from pride and ego. One must understand that a proud person can hardly keep his or her partner happy, as a matter of fact an unapologetic person will always face problems in relationships and in his/her life in general. Most of the time, PEACE is the ultimate reason for taking the blame even when you’re not at fault.
It takes a lot of humility, and guts to accept that you are wrong. Our mindset and orientation, quite often, play a strong role in our decisions to admit wrongdoing or apologize.
“To live a creative life, we must first lose the fear of being wrong”. -Joseph Chipton Pearce.
Sometimes you may judge from a different point of view while your partner or spouse is also seeing the same thing from a different point of view, this doesn’t necessarily mean that the other person is wrong, hence sometimes you should just let go and move on.
“What one thinks is right is not always the same as what others think is right, one can’t always be right”.
-Roy Thomson Bennett
A couple of times you must have found yourself in a situation where someone had to settle a dispute between you and your friend or spouse, and you feel extremely sad, because you were said to be wrong, you find it very hard to digest, instead of accepting that you were wrong, and apologize, Apologizing or accepting to be on the wrong does not change or reduce who you are, so be bold and humble enough to accept when you are wrong and live a better and more creative life.
You will wonder if there is really need to get emotional, financial or physically ready before the divorce?
The answer is YES, You have to be ready in all senses, sometimes you may not be ready in all senses, but, the most important of them all is the emotional readiness.
like I said earlier, is the mother of them all, you have to be ready emotionally to face the world, To live your life on your own terms, to not allow what family and society would say affect you by any chance, You will agree with me that most times, the decision to get a divorce arises between couples, it is usually not because there is no love existing between them. Both or at least, one of the partners involved somehow, most of the time, still have strong feelings for the other partner, but due to the unhealthiness and constant struggle in the relationship, which has resulted to a lot of unhappiness. You resort to the decision to move on, as it seems to be the only way out at that point, So for you not to entrust your life to emotional trauma after divorce or during the procedures it’s best that you work on your emotions prior to deciding to divorce otherwise your feelings of loss will overwhelm you and you may find yourself worse after the divorce than you were before the divorce.
From my personal findings, I have found out that a lot of “women, especially” who stayed in an unhealthy, unhappy and abusive marriages or relationship, are there only because of the finance the partner provides, or because of the fear that if they leave the marriage handling bills, or picking up the bills for their children may become a huge issue as they are not used to taking financial responsibility, or do not have a paid job nor a business. If you find yourself in such situation, the first thing to do is to prepare yourself by first gaining financial freedom. By finding a job, starting or finding a way to raise capital for business, etc. You don’t want to get divorced and then start regretting why you left the marriage in the first place. Thoughts like, “instead of this suffering that I can’t even afford a proper meal, let alone wear good cloth, I should have stayed back and managed him like that. After all, I bore and tolerated him/her all these years. Just maybe he/she would have changed or repented of his ways”. You would say “he may be cheating or abusing me, but I at least feed well, wear good clothes and my children attend one of the best schools around”. These are reasons why you should be ready to work and pay your own bills, and be financially stable to an extent before making such decision unless for cases where physical or domestic violence and other forms of abuse is excessive.
You always have to remember that there is no key to happiness, the door is always open, you have a choice to walk in whenever it pleases you.
Do I also have to get physically ready before I get a divorce? You wonder. Yes! It is of great importance to get physically ready for whatever may come your way in the process or after the whole procedure. A lot of people think that getting divorce only affects one emotionally and financially. But, this is not true as it has a great physical and psychological effect on the individual. Research has shown that both men and women suffer serious physical effects of divorce, some of the physical and psychological effects, are weight gain or loss, difficulty concentrating, increase in tension, Depression, lack of sleep, Guilt, Nausea, Heart problems, other serious health problems, Bad communication, Insomnia and more.
It is advised that one should be ready in all of these areas before heading for divorce as it is better and safer.
Your views and thoughts about marriage from outside differ greatly from the actual experiences from the inside.
What you see or hear, is mostly not the reality of marriage, funny as it may seem, you have to go through, or rather, experience it before some things will make sense to you.
I must say that marriages are exaggerated when it’s being talked about, especially, when being discussed by singles.
As an unmarried man or woman, you think marriage is the end of loneliness, brokenness, heartbreaks, man or woman trouble, you even think that your married friends are happier, luckier, and more favored by God.
Sometimes you resort to this conclusion due to what couples display in your presence or publicity, or because of what your parents or society think or say.
It’s important to know that most couples you see display show of love, may just be trying to cover up their fights and worries, they put up this show and make it look like they are too happy and that their relationship is healthy. Trust me, you cannot determine a healthy relationship with what you see or hear. Married people pretend a lot!. Ignore the kisses and proclamation of love that you see them put up either in public places or on social media.
It is known that there are happy couples out there. But it is also true that they have issues that they have dealt with and are also dealing with. Some cases are just worse than the others.
If marriage were a bed of roses, why has the rate of divorce increased so much, why do people fight to become single again, why do some partners regret marrying at all?
You don’t see the whole of a person until you are married to him/her. Just like having a friend, you two share everything you have, club together and are called best of friends, once upon a time something happened or because of the sweet friendship you share your decided live together and before you know it, you start fighting, arguments start rolling in, you will see the things you never saw all these years, you will start picking out their flaws and if you can’t take it anymore, you will get your own place and even walk away completely from that relationship.
Same applies to marriage and its even worse in marriage and you mostly get to live with it, deal with it, tolerate it, accept the partner the way they are, or walk away, which is usually the last option, as society frowns a lot at divorce, especially in developing countries.
When two or more married women or men sit to discuss marriage life and its issues, you will be shocked to hear what the have to say about marriage, most of the words and expressions you will see or hear are those of frustration, regrets, confusion, accusations and hope that they or that the relationship will get better.
And this is why you should stop stressing yourself about not being married and if you want to settle down for marriage, you should know that living with a total stranger is difficult, As you didn’t grow up in the same environment, Your upbringings are different, your level of exposures differ, and your ability to understand and communicate are different. Which means that there will be a lot of disagreements, views and opinions over issues and lots more.
Most people that stayed married, are there today only because they made up their mind to stay married not because, marriage is what you thought it was before they went into it.
Peace Okokon 