WANT A DIVORCE? GET EMOTIONAL, FINANCIAL, PSYCHOLOGY AND PHYSICALLY READY.

You will wonder if there is really need to get emotional, financial or physically ready before the divorce?

The answer is YES, You have to be ready in all senses, sometimes you may not be ready in all senses, but, the most important of them all is the emotional readiness.

EMOTIONAL READINESS,

like I said earlier, is the mother of them all, you have to be ready emotionally to face the world, To live your life on your own terms, to not allow what family and society would say affect you by any chance, You will agree with me that most times, the decision to get a divorce arises between couples, it is usually not because there is no love existing between them. Both or at least, one of the partners involved somehow, most of the time, still have strong feelings for the other partner, but due to the unhealthiness and constant struggle in the relationship, which has resulted to a lot of unhappiness. You resort to the decision to move on, as it seems to be the only way out at that point, So for you not to entrust your life to emotional trauma after divorce or during the procedures it’s best that you work on your emotions prior to deciding to divorce otherwise your feelings of loss will overwhelm you and you may find yourself worse after the divorce than you were before the divorce.

FINANCIAL READINESS

From my personal findings, I have found out that a lot of “women, especially” who stayed in an unhealthy, unhappy and abusive marriages or relationship, are there only because of the finance the partner provides, or because of the fear that if they leave the marriage handling bills, or picking up the bills for their children may become a huge issue as they are not used to taking financial responsibility, or do not have a paid job nor a business. If you find yourself in such situation, the first thing to do is to prepare yourself by first gaining financial freedom. By finding a job, starting or finding a way to raise capital for business, etc. You don’t want to get divorced and then start regretting why you left the marriage in the first place. Thoughts like, “instead of this suffering that I can’t even afford a proper meal, let alone wear good cloth, I should have stayed back and managed him like that. After all, I bore and tolerated him/her all these years. Just maybe he/she would have changed or repented of his ways”. You would say “he may be cheating or abusing me, but I at least feed well, wear good clothes and my children attend one of the best schools around”. These are reasons why you should be ready to work and pay your own bills, and be financially stable to an extent before making such decision unless for cases where physical or domestic violence and other forms of abuse is excessive.
You always have to remember that there is no key to happiness, the door is always open, you have a choice to walk in whenever it pleases you.

PSYCHOLOGICAL /PHYSICAL READINESS FOR DIVORCE

Do I also have to get physically ready before I get a divorce? You wonder. Yes! It is of great importance to get physically ready for whatever may come your way in the process or after the whole procedure. A lot of people think that getting divorce only affects one emotionally and financially. But, this is not true as it has a great physical and psychological effect on the individual. Research has shown that both men and women suffer serious physical effects of divorce, some of the physical and psychological effects, are weight gain or loss, difficulty concentrating, increase in tension, Depression, lack of sleep, Guilt, Nausea, Heart problems, other serious health problems, Bad communication, Insomnia and more.
It is advised that one should be ready in all of these areas before heading for divorce as it is better and safer.

Photo credit: pixabay
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THE FACT AND REALITY ABOUT MARRIAGE

Your views and thoughts about marriage from outside differ greatly from the actual experiences from the inside.

What you see or hear, is mostly not the reality of marriage, funny as it may seem, you have to go through, or rather, experience it before some things will make sense to you.

I must say that marriages are exaggerated when it’s being talked about, especially, when being discussed by singles.

As an unmarried man or woman, you think marriage is the end of loneliness, brokenness, heartbreaks, man or woman trouble, you even think that your married friends are happier, luckier, and more favored by God.
Sometimes you resort to this conclusion due to what couples display in your presence or publicity, or because of what your parents or society think or say.

It’s important to know that most couples you see display show of love, may just be trying to cover up their fights and worries, they put up this show and make it look like they are too happy and that their relationship is healthy. Trust me, you cannot determine a healthy relationship with what you see or hear. Married people pretend a lot!. Ignore the kisses and proclamation of love that you see them put up either in public places or on social media.

It is known that there are happy couples out there. But it is also true that they have issues that they have dealt with and are also dealing with. Some cases are just worse than the others.
If marriage were a bed of roses, why has the rate of divorce increased so much, why do people fight to become single again, why do some partners regret marrying at all?

You don’t see the whole of a person until you are married to him/her. Just like having a friend, you two share everything you have, club together and are called best of friends, once upon a time something happened or because of the sweet friendship you share your decided live together and before you know it, you start fighting, arguments start rolling in, you will see the things you never saw all these years, you will start picking out their flaws and if you can’t take it anymore, you will get your own place and even walk away completely from that relationship.

Same applies to marriage and its even worse in marriage and you mostly get to live with it, deal with it, tolerate it, accept the partner the way they are, or walk away, which is usually the last option, as society frowns a lot at divorce, especially in developing countries.

When two or more married women or men sit to discuss marriage life and its issues, you will be shocked to hear what the have to say about marriage, most of the words and expressions you will see or hear are those of frustration, regrets, confusion, accusations and hope that they or that the relationship will get better.

And this is why you should stop stressing yourself about not being married and if you want to settle down for marriage, you should know that living with a total stranger is difficult, As you didn’t grow up in the same environment, Your upbringings are different, your level of exposures differ, and your ability to understand and communicate are different. Which means that there will be a lot of disagreements, views and opinions over issues and lots more.

Most people that stayed married, are there today only because they made up their mind to stay married not because, marriage is what you thought it was before they went into it.

Photo credit: pixabay

UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP? BREAK OR FIX IT.

Is there a special time of the year to move on? Do you wait for a specific period in your life to say I’m done?
Trust me, there is no better time to start all over again than at the beginning of a new year like this, it’s always better to start all over, through forgiveness or by letting go.

Forgive your spouse and start all over again in building a better relationship, or move on and find peace elsewhere.

It is important to fix or break any relationship that is causing you pain as a result of any of the Following:
Lack of communication.
Disloyalty.
Dishonesty.
Disrespect.
Dependence.
Excessive jealousy.
Manipulation.
Criticism.
Cheating.
Isolation.
All of the above mentioned words are signs of unhealthy relationships these kind of relationships are usually harmful or dreadful.

You should remember and always say to yourself that you deserve the best. This should always be a guide for you, Never say to yourself that you have a bad fate, cursed or being punished for the sin of your parents or for your bad deeds in your previous life as believed by some tribes and ethnic groups.

A relationship should be healthy. Yes! You have to tolerate some things from your partner, As we all have our flaws, But once it involves excessive physical, mental and emotional drainage and Abuse.

You should fix or break out of such relationship, as staying in that relationship will only make you lose your self. In my previous post I talked about Divorce over violence, there are situations you find yourself in a relationship that the only way out is letting go.

Read Divorce over Violence here

https://peace7.home.blog/2018/10/26/divorce-over-domestic-violence/

But it is also of great importance that you understand that there are situations that the only way out is letting go through forgiveness, one of the major things that has broken relationships and marriages is the absence of forgiveness. The Yesterday is gone: It’s a new dawn. It’s better to forgive and be happy.

See reference, As It will help you understand the need for forgiveness in any form of relationship.

In case you don’t know how to resolve the conflict between you and your partner, You may also want to read this 7 keys to conflict resolution https://peace7.home.blog/2018/10/18/7-keys-to-conflict-resolution-in-relationship/

So in conclusion, I advise you work on your relationship, if it’s suffering from any form of unhealthiness and if it’s not something that can be fixed just let it go”move on”.
You deserve the best. Cheers

Photo credit: pixabay

MY 2018 LIFE AS A NEW BLOGGER

It’s time to do some real business blogging, It took me four whole months to understand blogging, wink still learning.

This is me just typing down whatever I’m thinking about, I am not following any rules of engagement, I am just typing down my thoughts.
I have been blogging for the love of blogging, I enjoy penning down whatever is going on in my head and this has led me to blogging.
But I must say blogging is a lot more difficult than it seems.

I am still struggling and trying to find my way around, as one needs to learn a lot. Learning to type correctly and avoiding typo errors, from niche issue to what is not ok to blog about, how it works and reading too many guidelines and getting confused and also trying to do everything you read. Sometimes you don’t even know what and who to follow anymore.

But one thing I have learnt over the months is that I can only be me, I must keep writing until I learn and know it all.
I like the fact that I have my own space on the internet where I can write down my thoughts, and sometimes even express myself through writing without being too careful, but 2018 is past.Now I want to do what I enjoy doing and also earn a living through it.
What could be greater than these?
It’s going to be like enjoying yourself and making money.
These feelings have made me realize why my husband is so passionate and happy with his job, It actually does feel good to do what you enjoy doing and make money at the same time. I think I’m not the only one who loves to get some money, especially when you are making it through a means that you totally enjoy.
So 2019 is for monetizing and advanced blogging. Feels and sounds good right? I know.
So see you in 2019 and all the best.

THE NEED FOR A TO DO LIST IN 2019/MY APPRECIATION

Dear reader,
By God’s grace we’re all about to enter a new year.
I, sincerely, want to use this opportunity to appreciate you all. It’s one thing to write, but another thing altogether for someone to stop by and read what you have written down. Thanks for all your time.
2018 was, indeed, a wonderful year for me and my family, it ends with praise. How was your 2018?
I know there were ups and downs, there were things you wanted to do that you never had a chance to, you had dreams that never came to pass.
At the beginning of the year you made a lot of new year resolutions, but just before the end of the first quarter of the year, you went back on them.
I consider new year resolutions a futile exercise as over 98% of such resolutions made are not accomplished,. Why not try something different this time.

*A TO-DO LIST*!

A few years ago, I got in the habit of making *A To-Do List* for every year and I realized that I accomplished them all every given year with the help of God, but towards the end of 2017 I couldn’t think of anything to pin down as I was busy with my newborn.
So I had no plan for the new year, I was just doing things whichever way I saw it and guess what? Things didn’t turn out well enough as I would have wished and as such, I don’t really have anything to show for the year 2018, then I realize how important planning and “penning” down such plans have been.
Having learnt from my mistake, I would encourage you to have a plan for the New year. What are your plans, I hope you have jotted them down somewhere?

It is always better to have a *To-Do List* It will help you a great deal. Have you planned on the business to do if you don’t already have any doing at the moment? Have you thought of ways to enhance and make the one you have more lucrative? Please don’t allow the things that caused you pain in 2018 also cause you pain in 2019.

This new year should be your year.
You should even develop the habit of making out monthly plans that way you can plan your time and resources better. Yours truly has drafted out my plans and what I intend to achieve in the new year, I hope you’ll do the same.
My sincere appreciation goes to Mrs Sandra Fredrick who inspired me to write, Thank you.
I wish you all the very best. Do have a very happy and prosperous new year
Love you loads
Yours truly,
Peace Efanga Okokon.

THE NARROW WAY TO SUCCESS

The way to success is narrow. It is indeed difficult to scale through, full of obstacles, but reachable, possibility, Courage and Determination is key to success.

Usually, some factors and or thoughts militate against the achievement of one’s goals and even taking steps that could lead to such achievements as a result of “fear of uncertainty” which holds you down, giving you reasons using the “what if” mantra so you can’t move on.
In different faces of life, this fear and questions have successfully held you down.

It has stopped you from leaving that abusive marriage killing you because you have questions such as “what if i don’t get another man?”, “will i spend the rest of my life alone?”, “what will the society say to me?”, “how will i manage to pay bills?”, “won’t my family be shamed for my sake?”.

That fear has also stopped you from accepting yourself, you are no longer living your life and doing the things you love, knowing fully well that they make you happier with life, as others do not appreciate your opinion towards life, you have been living the way others live so that you can be loved and accepted.

This fear has stopped you from even doing that Business that you really wanted to do, but the fear of loosing and not becoming successful won’t let you find your way, what if i don’t become successful and i have already left my job, how will i survive?.

You have been doing a lot of things the way society, friends and family like it or want you to.
It is time to do things your way and success is sure!.

It’s ok to fail, its ok if you try and don’t succeed, at least you would have tried, you didn’t get married again but you are alive and have found peace and happiness.

you left your paid job and tried to do your own thing, but things did not work out as expected, its ok, you can try again or try something else, the peace you enjoy being your own boss is priceless.

You must care less, if you failed, do it again and again until you get it right. Don’t let anyone talk you down, because if you can think it you can see it,. Remove the word “impossible” from your dictionary.

Pass through that road and whatever that comes your way kill it! Crush it! And if you couldn’t make it the first time, go back prepare better and conquer!
Then you will surely be successful, happy, and most of all peaceful.

Don’t be afraid to take that risk, it is better to try and fail than live your life to regret that you never tried.

Only the fearless and risk takers are successful !!

Merry Christmas

It’s Christmas day and everyone is happy and feeling great as they are filled with joy in their hearts

Even in the midst of celebration, I want you to all to remember and keep in mind that there are still a lot of people feeling very sad and are pained even in this season of merriment.

They have not had a thing to eat even though it’s a season where people usually have more than enough to share.

Be kind and generous in the season, remember the poor and needy, remember the homeless,.

And hey merry Christmas and happy new year in advance.