WANT A DIVORCE? GET EMOTIONAL, FINANCIAL, PSYCHOLOGY AND PHYSICALLY READY.

You will wonder if there is really need to get emotional, financial or physically ready before the divorce?

The answer is YES, You have to be ready in all senses, sometimes you may not be ready in all senses, but, the most important of them all is the emotional readiness.

EMOTIONAL READINESS,

like I said earlier, is the mother of them all, you have to be ready emotionally to face the world, To live your life on your own terms, to not allow what family and society would say affect you by any chance, You will agree with me that most times, the decision to get a divorce arises between couples, it is usually not because there is no love existing between them. Both or at least, one of the partners involved somehow, most of the time, still have strong feelings for the other partner, but due to the unhealthiness and constant struggle in the relationship, which has resulted to a lot of unhappiness. You resort to the decision to move on, as it seems to be the only way out at that point, So for you not to entrust your life to emotional trauma after divorce or during the procedures it’s best that you work on your emotions prior to deciding to divorce otherwise your feelings of loss will overwhelm you and you may find yourself worse after the divorce than you were before the divorce.

FINANCIAL READINESS

From my personal findings, I have found out that a lot of “women, especially” who stayed in an unhealthy, unhappy and abusive marriages or relationship, are there only because of the finance the partner provides, or because of the fear that if they leave the marriage handling bills, or picking up the bills for their children may become a huge issue as they are not used to taking financial responsibility, or do not have a paid job nor a business. If you find yourself in such situation, the first thing to do is to prepare yourself by first gaining financial freedom. By finding a job, starting or finding a way to raise capital for business, etc. You don’t want to get divorced and then start regretting why you left the marriage in the first place. Thoughts like, “instead of this suffering that I can’t even afford a proper meal, let alone wear good cloth, I should have stayed back and managed him like that. After all, I bore and tolerated him/her all these years. Just maybe he/she would have changed or repented of his ways”. You would say “he may be cheating or abusing me, but I at least feed well, wear good clothes and my children attend one of the best schools around”. These are reasons why you should be ready to work and pay your own bills, and be financially stable to an extent before making such decision unless for cases where physical or domestic violence and other forms of abuse is excessive.
You always have to remember that there is no key to happiness, the door is always open, you have a choice to walk in whenever it pleases you.

PSYCHOLOGICAL /PHYSICAL READINESS FOR DIVORCE

Do I also have to get physically ready before I get a divorce? You wonder. Yes! It is of great importance to get physically ready for whatever may come your way in the process or after the whole procedure. A lot of people think that getting divorce only affects one emotionally and financially. But, this is not true as it has a great physical and psychological effect on the individual. Research has shown that both men and women suffer serious physical effects of divorce, some of the physical and psychological effects, are weight gain or loss, difficulty concentrating, increase in tension, Depression, lack of sleep, Guilt, Nausea, Heart problems, other serious health problems, Bad communication, Insomnia and more.
It is advised that one should be ready in all of these areas before heading for divorce as it is better and safer.

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THE FACT AND REALITY ABOUT MARRIAGE

Your views and thoughts about marriage from outside differ greatly from the actual experiences from the inside.

What you see or hear, is mostly not the reality of marriage, funny as it may seem, you have to go through, or rather, experience it before some things will make sense to you.

I must say that marriages are exaggerated when it’s being talked about, especially, when being discussed by singles.

As an unmarried man or woman, you think marriage is the end of loneliness, brokenness, heartbreaks, man or woman trouble, you even think that your married friends are happier, luckier, and more favored by God.
Sometimes you resort to this conclusion due to what couples display in your presence or publicity, or because of what your parents or society think or say.

It’s important to know that most couples you see display show of love, may just be trying to cover up their fights and worries, they put up this show and make it look like they are too happy and that their relationship is healthy. Trust me, you cannot determine a healthy relationship with what you see or hear. Married people pretend a lot!. Ignore the kisses and proclamation of love that you see them put up either in public places or on social media.

It is known that there are happy couples out there. But it is also true that they have issues that they have dealt with and are also dealing with. Some cases are just worse than the others.
If marriage were a bed of roses, why has the rate of divorce increased so much, why do people fight to become single again, why do some partners regret marrying at all?

You don’t see the whole of a person until you are married to him/her. Just like having a friend, you two share everything you have, club together and are called best of friends, once upon a time something happened or because of the sweet friendship you share your decided live together and before you know it, you start fighting, arguments start rolling in, you will see the things you never saw all these years, you will start picking out their flaws and if you can’t take it anymore, you will get your own place and even walk away completely from that relationship.

Same applies to marriage and its even worse in marriage and you mostly get to live with it, deal with it, tolerate it, accept the partner the way they are, or walk away, which is usually the last option, as society frowns a lot at divorce, especially in developing countries.

When two or more married women or men sit to discuss marriage life and its issues, you will be shocked to hear what the have to say about marriage, most of the words and expressions you will see or hear are those of frustration, regrets, confusion, accusations and hope that they or that the relationship will get better.

And this is why you should stop stressing yourself about not being married and if you want to settle down for marriage, you should know that living with a total stranger is difficult, As you didn’t grow up in the same environment, Your upbringings are different, your level of exposures differ, and your ability to understand and communicate are different. Which means that there will be a lot of disagreements, views and opinions over issues and lots more.

Most people that stayed married, are there today only because they made up their mind to stay married not because, marriage is what you thought it was before they went into it.

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THE NARROW WAY TO SUCCESS

The way to success is narrow. It is indeed difficult to scale through, full of obstacles, but reachable, possibility, Courage and Determination is key to success.

Usually, some factors and or thoughts militate against the achievement of one’s goals and even taking steps that could lead to such achievements as a result of “fear of uncertainty” which holds you down, giving you reasons using the “what if” mantra so you can’t move on.
In different faces of life, this fear and questions have successfully held you down.

It has stopped you from leaving that abusive marriage killing you because you have questions such as “what if i don’t get another man?”, “will i spend the rest of my life alone?”, “what will the society say to me?”, “how will i manage to pay bills?”, “won’t my family be shamed for my sake?”.

That fear has also stopped you from accepting yourself, you are no longer living your life and doing the things you love, knowing fully well that they make you happier with life, as others do not appreciate your opinion towards life, you have been living the way others live so that you can be loved and accepted.

This fear has stopped you from even doing that Business that you really wanted to do, but the fear of loosing and not becoming successful won’t let you find your way, what if i don’t become successful and i have already left my job, how will i survive?.

You have been doing a lot of things the way society, friends and family like it or want you to.
It is time to do things your way and success is sure!.

It’s ok to fail, its ok if you try and don’t succeed, at least you would have tried, you didn’t get married again but you are alive and have found peace and happiness.

you left your paid job and tried to do your own thing, but things did not work out as expected, its ok, you can try again or try something else, the peace you enjoy being your own boss is priceless.

You must care less, if you failed, do it again and again until you get it right. Don’t let anyone talk you down, because if you can think it you can see it,. Remove the word “impossible” from your dictionary.

Pass through that road and whatever that comes your way kill it! Crush it! And if you couldn’t make it the first time, go back prepare better and conquer!
Then you will surely be successful, happy, and most of all peaceful.

Don’t be afraid to take that risk, it is better to try and fail than live your life to regret that you never tried.

Only the fearless and risk takers are successful !!

THE AFTER MARRIAGE LOOK: HERE’S WHY WOMEN LOOK DIFFERENT

The after marriage look

Have you ever seen an old female friend after some years of marriage and wonder what exactly happened to her that made her change so much?

The men become fresher and add up some good flesh or remain the same as they were before marriage, while the women mostly look older, fatter or more skinny .

This has become a regular phenomenon, people are always asking why this is so?

I researched into this and brought you the following as some of the reasons responsible for it:

CHILDBIRTH (they become fat)

Childbirth just as it is on the top list it plays 70% role in the change in women after marriage and childbirth, some women do not lose the adipose tissue gained during pregnancy for whatever reason, and they tend to eat more during breast feeding and all of this accumulated fat dont go away in some women, unless they control what they eat, and exercise adequately to burn it off.

IGNORANCE (WHO AM I DOING IT FOR? ATTITUDE)

Who am I doing all this for? has turned to many women’s slang,they stop caring for themselves, they no longer see the need to keep doing the things they use to do as Single girls, they no longer make their hair, wear nice makeup, dress up sexy in well-fitting dresses, when they are asked why the dont take care of themselves they give you the answer “Who am I doing it for?” they feel they are married and therefore, have no need to do all of that anymore. But on the contrary a woman should dress even more after marriage in other to remain as sexy and attractive as she used to be before marriage, not withstanding wether your body size or look has changed as a result of childbirth.

EMOTIONAL PRESSURE PHYSICAL ABUSES (they become skinny)

The level of stress that women are faced with after marriage, have great effect on them. Most men trouble their wives so much that the women have become emotionally drained and when you see them, you can tell just by looking at them, how can they remember to dress themselves up properly, let alone remember to make their hair and all that? The emotional stress comes in different forms and varies from the worries they face at night when the men go out and don’t remember to come back home until midnight, to physical abuses of all kind inclusive of domestic violence.

Its important to keep yourself healthy and in good shape before or after marriage.

Stay happy, look good, stay healthy.

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I WON’T MARRY HIM, UNLESS HIS MUM IS DEAD!

As sad as it is, it has become a trend amongst young and unmarried women.
For various reasons they do not want to marry a man whose mother is still alive.
I made some enquiries into this and was able to gather some of the reasons as the following:
Most mothers-in-law always interfere with their sons’ marriages.

  • They often tend to get envious of their daughters-in-law
  • They mostly create rife between their sons and their daughters-in-law
  • They blame their daughters-in-law for whatever happens to their sons.
  • When they have a need and their sons refuse to attend to it they blame and insist that the daughter-in-law is responsible for that refusal from their son.
  • These are just few among many reasons given for this unwholesome trend.

However, the question is who is a mother-in-law?

This is my own definition of a mother-in-law:
She was that little baby girl born into a family, she became someone’s daughter and sister, she later became someone’s girlfriend, then fiancĂ©e and then wife and thus daugther-in-law, and finally mother-in-law.
What my definition is saying is that every girl, lady or woman is a potential mother-in-law.
Witnessing a son’s wedding is one of the Happiest days of any mother’s life, some mothers don’t even feel as much joy as they felt during their own wedding.
You want to witness your own son’s wedding and wish that woman who gave birth to the man you want to spend rest of your life with should not witness her own son’s wedding? The painful part of this is that you are not just wishing her not to withness her son’s wedding, you are wishing that a mother don’t get to meet her grand children. Sometimes I assume that ladies who have this wish don’t really understand the gravity of what they are actually wishing for a fellow woman.
Have you ever imagined a girl that your brother brought home in the hope of marrying, refusing to marry him because your mum is alive? How would you deal with such when you get to hear of it?

yes its no doubt that there are lots of women out there who have made and are making the life of their daughters-in-law unbearable.

But instead of looking at the bad ones, why not pray or hope for the best, you could also be amongst those whom may be blessed with the best of mothers-in-law, take religion away, humanity has never taught nor encouraged us as humans to wish another untimely death.
If not for anything, for the fact that you are a woman, you would love to be blessed with a son, and you will also want to be there at your son’s wedding,and will also love to see your grand children and hopefully your great grand children, these should be enough reasons for you not wish any one death, for your own happiness.

A woman carries her son for Nine months in pains, goes through labour pain, suffers to see the child grow and become something good, and just at the time when she should start reaping the fruits of her labour you then want her dead just so you can marry that son? You should think again.

The place of a mother is differnt from the place of a wife, be careful what you wish for someone, it can come back to you.

CONFUSED ON WHO TO MARRY? HERE ARE SOME TIPS

The Question of who to marry is an everyday question and its a very seriouse matter.
Pointing out or the ability to identify the person to marry can be very difficult , especially as it is a life time decision.

People marry for different reasons , some for love, money, companioship while others for the sake of comfort or even protection.
It’s quite important that you chose wisely who to marry as this decision can lift you or drown you.
In a previous article, I shared some reasons why you should not marry only on the basis of love.
You may want to read
There are cases where you even have two or more persons in your life and you really do not know who to spend the rest of your life with or if the person in your life at the time is the right person to spend a lifetime with
Today I will share some tips on how to identify the right person to marry , this article is focused on helping you choose make informed decision on your choice of life partner.

WHO SHOULD I MARRY?

YOUR FRIEND

marrying your friend is one of the best things that can happen to anyone,you will be free and able to play and express yourself.

THE BEAUTIFUL MIND
That man or woman who is BEAUTIFUL inside out with the inner beauty surpassing the outer. Remember that even the outer beauty is determined by the beholder as the saying goes. A person’s character is his or her inner beauty, a beautiful heart, a forgiving spirit etc, look more on the inward than the outward of the person before marrying for your own peace of mind.

YOUR SEX ICON
Sexual compatability is of great essence in marriage, your partner should be that man or woman you crave to have at all times and who has same speed with you as going into a marriage with someone that is on a different level of drive or libido with you can lead to several problems, especially infidelity.

“YOUR WEAKNESS”
There are people you just can’t stay angry with, no matter what they have done wrong to you, you somehow find a way to forgive them, you may call it love, but I’m careful with that, putting this into consideration will help alot , as marriage is not a bed of roses nor will it always be full of laughter

THE DISCIPLINED
That person who is brave enough to say “NO”, when it is necessary. You certainly don’t need a partner that will acquiesce to all of your demands at all times, nor one who cannot intervene wisely to stop you from taking a wrong decision.

YOUR SUPPORTER
We all need support systems in life. Every facet of life demands so much from each of us be it finacial or physical, emotional, etc. Your spouse should be your strenght when you are weak.

RESPECT
The one who respects and appreciates you for who you are.
The one who does not wish you were something or someone.

YOUR LOVER
The one that loves you uncondictional and puts your happiness first before work and friends
The one you love and can do anything for.

TRUST
That one who shares mutual trust with you.

YOUR FAMILY LOVER
The one that loves and appreciates your family, a partner that does not look down or feel his/her family is beter than yours is what you should look out for.

RELIGIOUS ACCEPTABILITY
The one that accepts your religion or religious difference and is willing to respect your beliefs and faith, without trying to change your faith or beliefs.

Nagging wife? Here’s the way out

A Nagging wife is one thing every man would practically do all the can to stay away from, but what do you do if you are already married to one?
How do you handle her, what’s the best way out of the situation? Is it by nagging too? Hitting her? sex-starving her? Reporting her to family or friends? Starving her of funds for her personal up keep?

This article will help you figure out best to deal with a nagging wife.
It is also necessary for you to understand that the fact that a woman nags does not mean that she is troublesome, yes some women are troublesome and also nag at the same time.

It’s in your place to help her get rid of that nagging attitude, funny as it may sound, you may even play a strong role in her attitude, you could be responsible for her nagging, you may have troubled her so much so that she has changed alot from the woman you married.
You must search for and understand the reason for her nagging, this information will help you handle the situation better.

Remember that what dialogue could not solve, violence won’t resolve. So don’t be to quick to handle situations with violence wether by shouting, hitting or verbal abuse.

1. Love!

Yes love is on our top list on handling a nagging wife. When you truly love your nagging or troublesome wife, you won’t really feel bad when she behaves badly or nags, as much as you don’t approve of such behavior, you will show her love regardless.

2. Stop!

stop those things you do that hurt her and make her mad which result in her nagging. Stop inviting trouble do what is right, stop cheating on her, stop lying even when the truth is obvious, stop calling her names, stop disrespecting her.

3. Partner!

The feeling that she’s your partner will make her feel good and this means that there will be no need for nagging, since she is not feeling like your house help sex machine or your children’s nanny.

4.Role model

Teach her how to react to situations by doing or practising it when you are offended or angry with her, gradually but surely as time goes on she you will take her cue from you instead of insulting her or running away from the house in other to avoid her, become a role model instead, teach and show her how to react to situations without resorting to violence or becoming physical, I once told you how my husband managed to stop me from Nagging and shouting whenever he hurt me.

5. Say sorry!

sorry can change and solve problems faster than you can imagine, be apologetic, never feel too big to apologize to your wife, if she heard you say sorry and saw that you meant it from your heart she will let it go she won’t be mad at you nor nag.

6.Get intimate!

Yes intimacy is a great cure to nagging, when she starts and you can’t stand it, instead of you to hit her, insult her, abuse her, just hold her firm even if she’s struggling hold her tighter, kiss her passionately and make sweet love her.

7. Compliment her!

women love to be complimented, even though she’s shouting and bringing down the roof, in a very sweet voice, say nice things to her, say I love you, say I hate to hurt my better half, ask funny questions what’s on your face, is it raining on your face am sure you know them, she may even start smiling without realizing it.

8. Pray!

Marriage is a union made and designed by God Himself, never forget to involve Him in all you do. make Him the center of your relationship, always pray for her and repent of your sins to her and to God.

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