Peace Okokon

Divorce over Domestic violence

It is not the bruises on the body That hurt, but the wounds of the heart and the scars on the mind.

By Aisha mizer

Most men and women alike, find it hard to deal with domestic violence because of society, religion and family.

It is a well known fact that more women are victims of domestic violence than men. But then there are many men out there too who suffer domestic violence.

Society frawns seriously at divorced persons: they are subjected to all kinds of mockery, insults and humiliation.

Religion makes it even more difficult, some religious bodies restrict married individuals from seeking or resorting to divorce no matter how bad their case gets, as divorce is against their religious beliefs. Except only in some extreme conditions.

Families have also, in a great way, contributed to the pain and suffering of their relatives in marriage, as they place more premium on family’s reputation and what society or religion will say rather than on the happiness and safety of their relatives in the ailing marriage.

The following are some reasons why divorce is better than staying in an abusive marriage!

For your children’s sake Many children who are abused, or who witness abuse of a parent, grow up to become abusive themselves, or become victims in violent relationships, And the cycle continues. Fortunately, thats why its best you divorce the violent partner so your children can grow up in a more peaceful and healthy environment, some people even advise you stay for the sake of your kids as they feel you can’t bring up a child alone, but reverse is the case, it is true that a child that has the training of both parents have some added advantage but you need to be in good health and sound mind to bring up a proper child.

For your well being: As a result of domestic violence many lives have been lost, and so many victims have lost their minds while other body parts have been damaged, you can’t stay in a relationship wherein your well being is not guaranteed. You can only enjoy a marriage when you are healthy and alive.

Psychological effect on victims of domestic violence varies. One of the most common mental health diagnoses for women who experience domestic violence is Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. Symptoms of PTSD include intrusive thoughts or flashbacks, nightmares or sleep disturbances, emotional detachment, triggers that represent the trauma, and or feelings of a reoccurrence of the event(s).
Experiencing physical assault is largely related to PTSD. However, this does not mean that all women who were exposed to physical violence will present PTSD symptoms, however PTSD is a common mental health diagnosis stemming from perceived intolerable trauma and psychological instability

It is never too late to take a step towards safety.

By Peace Efanga Okokon

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Rising above the falling parts

There is absolutely no need for you to feel unattractive or sad about your body due to child birth.

A lot of women have lost confidence in themselves, to such extent that they even feel that the change in their body after child birth is responsible for their husband’s negative behaviour.

They say I have added so much weight, my breasts are sagged and I got so much stretch marks on my body, I think that’s why he’s cheating on me with that lady and does not like taking me out again like he used to do before, maybe he’s no longer attracted to me because of how I look, I used to be slim, I had standing and pointed breasts and I had no stretch marks on my body before I started having kids,

We used to hangout a lot, he enjoys taking me out to parties, events, meetings and he always showed me off to his friends and colleagues, but you see everything has changed since I started having kids and my looks have changed too.

No! You are wrong! it’s in your head! A man who truly loves you, loves and sees you beyond your physical looks he sees the beauty inside you, whatever changes that may have occurred in your body as a result of child birth would not change how he feels about you, you have to keep in mind that the beauty of a woman is not in her physical looks but in her attitude and personality.

Look out for possible reasons why he’s changed, and channel your mind toward making your man the sweet man he used to be,
Take a second look at yourself maybe, just maybe you are responsible for your problems, as lots of women stop taking care of themselves after marriage. They believe they no longer have reasons to look too good since they are now married. They stop wearing those sexy night wears, stop dressing up so sweetly, don’t even remember to make their hairs, no good perfumes or body spray, they begin to dress up like his mum and expect the man to take them out? No sweetie, it does not work that way.
Stand up now, get those nice bra! package those sagged breast, wear dresses that fit your new size you can be bold and beautiful and very sexy, do not live your life like a widow because your body parts are falling. Live above it.
Do not forget that this body of yours is actually more beautiful now than ever, as it has brought a new life, it can’t be better than the way it looks, these stretch marks are symbols of motherhood and it makes you super cute, be proud, be happy and rise above those falling parts.
It is nessecary for you to appreciate yourself first before others will appreciate you, stop seeing yourself as less attractive and beautiful.

By peace Efanga Okokon

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THE FEAR

The fear

of being hurt

in a relationship

usually causes

you to stay

alone

Many at times people tends to rather stay alone than give love a chance or another chance, this is mostly caused as a result of past hurt or family experience.

It Is wrong of anyone to deny his/herself a chance to be loved or loved again, as it is not the fear of being hurt in a relationship that is stopping them from opening up their heart or giving love a chance but the fear of being hurt again or becoming a victim of a bad relationship like their friends had suffered or like that person in the family that has suffered loneliness and bitter experience, it sometimes could even be the fear of going back being alone again, as some people come into there life’s, love them unconditionally and then walk out of there lives leaving them worst than they meet them.

It is important you keep this in mind that you can’t close your eyes to every one passing by just because you don’t want to see an enemy, and then loses the chance to see that one person who have the solution to your biggest problem.

Keep loving, keep on trying until you find that someone, that special one who will give you all the love in the world and will never leaves you alone.

CHEATING WIFE? 6 POSSIBLY REASONS

1. Sex

The desire to have a sexual satisfaction have driven lots of women into extramarital affairs, as their husband have not been able to meet up with their desires like how they should be treated in bed, how her body works, what turns her on, how and where she likes to be touched, many wives has cheated and are still cheating on their spouse for their inability to give them sexual satisfaction, some even go back having extramarital affairs with their ex- boyfriends, because their husbands have not been able to give them the kind of satisfaction they used to get from their ex.

2. Money

Finance has gone a Long way to destroy many marriages, it is very important for you to have a good financial ground as a family man, or at least marry a woman that her needs are not higher than your income, the desire/need for money has led many women into having affairs just to meet end needs. Or the fact that their husbands has refused to care for their personal needs.

3. Starvation

Lots of men, unintentionally make their wives suffer, while some others do it intentionally without putting the damage it may cause in their relationship into considerations, they go out and involve themselves in a sexual relationship with other women, leaving their wives at home and these kind behavior can, and has made lots of women look out for someone who they can just have sex with, while the men who do this unintentionally go out for a long period of time for businesses. Giving their wives money and expensive gifts, forgetting that she also needs his love, romance and cuddles.

4. Communication

Yes, communication plays a strong role in any form of relationship, especially in marriage, The absence of communication in marriage can lead to extramarital affairs, a man should be able to discuss everything with his wife, a man should not rather avoid his wife because, she’s not keeping herself clean enough or she’s not as active as she used to be, it’s better to discuss about it and tell her how you like her to look or behave to keep her attracted to you, as these kind of behavior can make a woman feel unwanted and therefore bring a rife between them, which can also lead her to find happiness in the arms of other men.

5. Romance

70% of men stop been romantic few years after marriage, they forgot all of the things they did in the past that made the woman fall the them, they stop taking her out, they don’t even remember to give her a nice kiss when going out, they don’t buy her gifts anymore, they completely forget anniversaries, birthdays, they don’t remember to express love to their wives, they don’t bother to say nice things like you looking beautiful , you look super sweet on that red dress, when ever you smile you make me want to ask you out all over again, when all of these romantic things are no longer coming forth, the chances of her falling for someone else out there who gives her lots of compliments is high.

6. Cheating

I was privileged to speak to a couple of women who confirmed it to me that they are cheating on their husbands because he’s been cheating on them and they couldn’t take it anymore. People are different be careful the kind of fruit you sow, for you shall reap what you sow, sometimes in double folds.

Play your role, do what’s right, if your wife cheats on you check yourself well, you must have failed somewhere and has contributed towards it.

By Peace Efanga Okokon

People who died for love aside from Romeo and Juliet

Ines de Castro and kind Pedro.

Credit Artist:Ernesto Ferreira CondeixaInes de Castro became a lady-in-waiting for Princess Constance of Portugal in 1340 and quickly stole the heart of her prince Pedro, the heir to the Portuguese throne. When Constance died in 1349, Pedro tried to make Ines his lawful queenthey already had three children together, but his father the king refused , and banished Ines and got her killed when geographical distance couldn’t keep Pedro away.The act sparked a civil war between Pedro and his father and when he claimed victory over his father, Pedro exhumed his lover, built her a royal tomb, and had all of Portugal swear allegiance to Ines as their queen even in death.

2. Shan jahan and mumtaz mahal

Original Image

Credit: Artist unkown

Have you heard of Taj Mahal, This famous palace in India, is actually the ultimate declaration of love, built in the 17th century by Shah Jahan as a final resting place for his beloved wife. Mumtaz Mahal — or “Jewel of the Palace,” as he named her — was the ruler’s third wife, but he clearly favored her and was so grief-stricken when she died during childbirth, he immediately began work on the Taj Mahal. It took 23 years to complete the homage, where he joined her at his own death in 1666.

3. Cleopatra

4. Andrew Jackson and Rachel Donald

known as the most controversial first ladies, Rachel Donelson was married to Lewis Robards of Kentucky before she wed Andrew Jackson in 1791. She had believed that her ex-husband had finalized their divorce, not realizing that, he did not legally file the papers until 1793. Because having a court clear-cut divorce was scandalous and frowned at , as at that time, Jackson’s opponents used Rachel’s past against him during campaigns, calling her imoral woman.

The stress of the mud sliding aggravated a heart condition which was pre- existing, and Rachel never got to see Jackson become president, she passed away following a heart attack two months before he took the mantle of leadership, Jackson was so shocked and grief-stricken that he was said to have clung to Rachel long after she had died, hoping that she would come back to him.

5. Heloise and abelard

Credit: Artist:Eleanor Fortescue Brickdale

British poet Alexander Pope turned their story into a piece of classic literature, but Heloise and Abelard were in fact real, they fell madly inlove, and doomed to a tragic end in mid 12th century France. Abelard was the girl’s live-in tutor, 20 years older than she is, and the romance so enraged her, but then her uncle disapproved there relationship, that he had Abelard castrated shortly after they were discovered. Distraught, the lovers entered the monastery and wrote a set of now-famous letters to each other until their death, but sadly they never met again.

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Let’s celebrate this great lovers!!

7 KEYS TO CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN RELATIONSHIP

Conflict is not something you can shy away, Run or avoid in a relationship.

It’s important to know that the great relationships you admires where not achieved by the absence of conflict.

Key 1: communication

To resolve any form of conflict between couples the first key is communication, sit and talk, Listen to each other, It can save your relationship as sometimes you got to really talk before you know the truth, as assumptions can destroy your beautiful relationship.

Key 2: set boundaries

No matter your level of anger you must know when to stop. You must be conscious of the use of words, causes and very abusive words can lead to more arguments and anger, its a personal discipline, there should be a fair fight as it can help you destroy the rife between you and your spouse,

Key 3: give the benefit of the doubt and letting go

Forgive, let it go, that’s the way forward, you can’t always be right, just maybe, your thoughts are wrong, give him/her a chance.

Key 4: compromise

If the tv station to watch is causing trouble, why not try a little bit of compromise, if she can watch your favorite football game with you, why can’t he watch her favorite telenovelas show with her, if you want to go for something else and your partner wants to go for shopping why not plan doing them one at a time, it is nessecary to always keep in mind that it can always be about you.

Key 5: understand the causes

The two of you must come together, and get to know the reason behind your arguments, why you can’t seem to agree on one thing, and then look out for possible solutions.

Key 6: Right to opinion

Every individual has got right to their own opinion, it’s wrong of you to try and enforce your opinion on your partner these can make what was supposed to be a discussion become a very heated argument.

Key 7: talk when you are calm

Never try to resolve a conflict when you are not calm, as whatever your spouse says may irritate you even more, you see things differently when you are calm and have a better sense of judgment, what you can do is try and calm your spouse down first.

Note: remember that it is nessecary to go to bed not angry with your spouse, the night is long, you never know what the night may come with, the last memory should always be a happy one!

TOP 6 REASONS WIVES MUST EARN THERE OWN MONEY

Finance play a very strong and vital role in a relationship between man and wife.

Financial independence is paramount. My mom always says that when a woman is financially independent, she has the ability to live life on her own terms. I think that was the soundest advice that I ever got. No matter where you go in life or who you get married to, you have to be financially independent – whether you use it or not.

Priyanka Chopra

One of the best gifts you can give your spouse is the gift of financial independence.

I’m not talking about showering your spouse with riches after marriage. I am talking about supporting your spouse in making his or her own money in addition to contributing to family’s wealth.

These are few reasons why you most be FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT as a woman, mother or wife!

1. FOR THE FUFILMENTS OF YOUR DREAMS

As much as men have dreams and feel fulfilled when they are accomplished or are able to reach the hight they have always desired to attain , so does a women have dreams too. The same joy a man feels when providing for his family, building, funding projects; the woman should feel that too. Just like a man, when a woman does her dream job, see her dreams come through , earns money and contributes to her family and society; she feels more confident and good about her self with dignity.

2. FOR UNFORSEEN CIRCUMSTANCES

life is full of ups and town, a rich husband today can become poor tomorrow, healthy man today can be a very sick man tomorrow, it takes a healthy person to pursue carrier or earn money, When the productivity of the husband gets negatively affected paused or stops , the wife can step in even more and make sure the needs of the family are still met.

3. TO REDUCE DEPENDANT ON HUSBAND

You can’t always turn to him for everything, trust me the number of time that you will be disappointed will be alarming, instead of depending on him for your hair, makeup, clothing,
Sanitary pads, feul jewelries and all of your other needs, stand up get busy and get going, no matter how small your income is, you will always value it more

4. SOCIAL AND MENTAL GROWTH

It is important she along side her husband grow , as the husband works, he meets and interacts with more people and these play a great role in boosting his social, professional, mental and also have great influence on his personality, the need for the wife to also grow in these areas are crucial.

5. FOR THE KIDS

Most cases especially in family life, its easier for the kids to learn from what they see from what they are told or asked to do, a working mum, weather stay at home or not, will not just influence her children to do same, her attitude towards earning will also teach her children to be independent.

6. FINANCIAL INDEPENDENT

When you are financially independent, you will be happier, respected and experience less embarrassment and irritating words like you are not prudent, you are ungrateful, because he feels that his doing too much for you, and then takes advantage of every little opportunity to remind you that you ain’t contributing to the family, it goes as far as helping you live a quality life.Visit where you want to visit, Shops for those clothes you admire so much, Gift your children with beautiful toys, Gift him with lots of things and take him out at your own cost.

Do what’s best for you, stay happy and graceful.

10 Tips that you love your partner much more

Usually one find it difficult to understand if they love there partner more,

Sometimes it is best you pick a pen and paper and give yourself some quiz
Relationships can be too much work. But what makes them worth it, is the level of commitment each person put to make the relationship a success

HERE ARE SOME TIPS TO HELP YOU KNOW IF YOU LOVE YOUR PARTNER MORE:

You are always trying to keep your partner happy. But its not applicable to them.
They only respond to your ” I love you or emotions ” they never initiate it”.
When future plans are discussed you don’t see yourself in the picture.
Your opinion is not important so, they don’t asked.
Never sacrifice friends time for you.

6. They easily forgets important dates like, wedding anniversary, anniversary and birthday.

7. They Cancels appointments most often at last minutes,they probably have better offer.

8. You are the one who always start a conversation.

9. They always blame you for every bad or misfortune.

10. They don’t like to discuss the relationship.

When love is one sided pain is inevitable!!

All of these can lead to an unhealthy relationship. And if it’s in a relationship not marriage, its safer to let go.

SEX AND MARRIAGE

Active sex in marriage is a need. It Is as important as healthy meal.

Here are some listed reasons why Couples must maintain a healthy and active sex life.

Reproduction. For the sake of reproductive for couples who want to have children, sex is a need, as it needed to reproduce younglings, you should know that it does not end with getting pregnant, as the baby grows, the parents need to maintain sexual relationship unti the child is born, as it helps. Reduce bathroom leak and better bladder control , prevents pre-enclanpsia, improve and boost immune.
Bonding Regular sex in marriage helps the two individuals to get closer to each other, for instance, when two couples are having a fight, if one is able to make sexual advances on the other, and there able to have sex, they both forgets about there differences and laugh like nothing had happened that’s how much strength sex has in a relationship, sex help couples to grow a strong intimacy.
Health benefits its no longer a news that sex has a great benefit to our health, as the high level of an anti body called immuno globulin A (IgA), which, according to researchers at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania, combat disease and keep the body safe from colds and the flu. Sex helps us sleep more comfortably, and through better sleep, sex creates a stronger immune system. Oxytocin released during orgasm promotes a more restful sleep for both parties . Oxytocin benefits other areas of the body as well. It decreases levels to the brain disease, heart problems in men and women. It also can help with pain control, according to a study conducted at the Headache Clinic at Southern Illinois University. The study found that half of the female migraine sufferers reported relief after climaxing.
Wellbeing sex helps the individuals to maintain an overall well-being, both mentally, physically emotionally and psychologically.

Have a great sex life stay happy, stay healthy!

By Peace Efanga Okokon

NOT THE WOMAN YOU MARRIED

Most cases men tends to wonder why the woman they got married to has change or seems not to be the woman they are living with.

There are three major factors that is responsible for these change:

1. The woman you dated or fell in love with.

2. The woman she truely is.

3. The woman you created.

Are you wondering how ???
Well these is how.

The woman you dated and fell in love with

* The woman you dated or fell in love with: usually there’s always a little to hold back while dating.

Sorry man but even your woman wouldn’t see all of you befor the big day, why? You don’t leave together, you pretend about some things and sometimes even lie about some stuffs

You want to portray yourself as ideal man for her,

So it is, with a lady too. So basically you don’t know her as much as you thought you did.

The woman she truly is.

Now you are facing reality,

No more holding back, no need to pretend about been so hygenic

She won’t smile when is sad anymore, she start expecting more,

When you are at home you behave differently from a guest

So you can gas, laugh out loud 📢,

Don’t think you know a person so much so until you leave with him or her for a good period of time!

At This stage you get to truly know her true self, character, way of life, and her level of hygiene.

The woman you created

This stage determines the future of your marriage.

You recreate your wife and these brings about positive and negative effect.

Position effect : A woman that is loved and cared for by her husband is always laughing and she tends to look young by the day,

I will give you a typical example from my personal experience

After I got married, I turn every offense into violence, I would say very rash words to my husband, nagging was the order of the day.

But then my husband would never insult or say a thing to me instead he allows me to express my anger, and then softly and nicely he would say with a smile on his face,

” sweetheart am sorry why don’t you rest for now and save the rest of your energy for tomorrow “

Huh????

while am still trying to digest that he will stand up from where his sitting, and then when I raise my head up its a cup of tea what??

his reactions started recreating me without even realizing, I started thinking about my attitude towards offense, yes his wronged me but there are better ways to handle the situation without shouting, nagging, getting physical.

But then one very good day i sat and asked myself this peace are you ok? How can you always be the one shouting, fighting insulting?

Yet the reason for all of your shouting and yelling hasn’t changed, then why stress and fight who is not fighting you? From that day I stopped shouting, fighting, crying 😂 did I tell you that I would be crying while am insulting and fighting ..

And I started talking about issue and solving problems without having to fight or insult or create Unnecessary tension between us and trust me we are happier! Yelling back, insulting, hitting her or even bringing in third party will not bring about positive change, treat her the way you want to be treated, it may take time but change is sure.

Negative effect : two people are not alike, even identical twins are not of same opinion nor usually in most cases share the same view about life, marriage etc…

The two of you have come together as one, that dose not suddenly change the fact that you are a man and she’s a woman,

Note:

you are not of the same sex.
Your temperament may differ.
Your religious believe may differ.
Your level of education may differ.
Your level of civilization or exposure may differ.
The kind of families you came from is different from hers, therefore, your understanding and orientation about marriage and family is different.
The environment you grew up and your family status may differ.

Now if you put all of this together you will see the major reasons why the two of you don’t seems to agree on some issues, now its left for you to try and understand where she’s coming from, “like my husband would always say there are two sides to every story ”

By the time you use every chance you get to make her feel less human, indirectly she start growing tick skin.

You call her names in from of your friends.

You beat her up for standing up for herself or for making a mistake.

You cheat on her and flaunt it to her face.

Whenever something is happening with you or in your family she’s always the last to know.

Your siblings disrespect her and its ok!

You hide your money and your actual earnings from her.

You don’t give her a chance to air her mind or listen to her opinions about anything before you get engage.

You buy all your property in your name alone.

she never gets credit or reward for good job, not even a thank you but You criticize her without thinking at every mistake.

You sex starve her and she don’t have a right to complete

Before you realize it, you are presented a woman packaged, created and manufactured by yours truely.

And that is when see the worst of her although these can have different effect, pending on the woman involved that’s when you start hearing and saying stuffs like

She is cheating on me
She no longer allow me have sex with her
She’s becoming very disrespectful
She don’t allow my family to visit the house
She spend must of her time outside the house
She no longer keeps food for me
She just committed suicide
She wants a divorce
She killed her husband sorry man you are responsible for what and who she has become treat your wife right be a happy!